The Gathering…..

Oh dear. Be VERY scared. “They” have gathered for their annual 3 day event. Tucked away in the clouds which cover Northumberland, this clic of females plot, gossip, touch, cook and share for 72 nonstop hours – and the outcome is anyones guess…….

My Mother, (the Chief Wrinklie), middle and youngest sisters , (trainees but lethal all the same), niece and daughter of said youngest, tuther niece and daugher of middle sis AND now, granddaughter of middle sis, all have joined together for what will be an annual ritual.

Ages ranging from late 60s to 2 years, there is too much hormonal imbalance to even contemplate! Middle and most beautiful sister is raging with them, being as she, like me, isn’t far off half century. Baby sis – and most precious and caring person, is drawn towards the darkness by the influence of the elders……..the youngsters stand no chance……….

Day one was spent reviewing progress, sharing realities and checking out the devilishly good deals at the local hypermarket. Day two, less energetic, with the cloud of excess hanging over them and brains fuddled: secrets began to be revealed and plotting started in earnest. Gossip exchanged and tempers rising – though masked by “the family smile”….

Today is Day Three: This is the scary one: no more pretence; no need to be kind for a bed for the night as directions differ this evening, day three can be LETHAL!

If you are male, anywhere near Blyth or thinking of travelling south on the M1 later, be warned. Beautiful “They” may be but the family bottom is really an engine room for lethal explosions. DO NOT approach “Them” at any cost……

ps The youngest and most innocent of “Them”, aged 2.5 years, is said to ask “Why?” of everyone and anyone she meets….having escaped the daily clutches of “them” by geographical miles if not emotions and ‘fluence, I understand and applaud her sentiment. xx