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Oh deary me. I’ve made two phone calls in the last hour, each of which were scary and both have left me feeling a little unsettled. I’ll explain.

My first call was to Tony Without Teeth, my wonderful , if not a little crazy, mother in law. At 85 , she is completely brilliant and doesn’t cease to amaze me but the revelation she made today, shocked me to the core!

She’s finding pleasure again in reading, she was explaining to me. Ah, I thought, how lovely – until she then expanded on the subject matter which seemed to only be bylines around the main event: a series of torrid sex scenes! More worrying was that she said she enjoyed them so much, she’s reading the book for the second time- then is planning to visit her boyfriend, Wicked William, aged 95, who should be warned and will be VERY scared!

Managing to finish this call, I rang my Mum, Marlena Dramatic, who can make an issue out of eating a digestive biscuit! Not for her the perfunctory ”yes and no” – oh no. Why say less when you can say so very much more and expand on every theory going?

Anyway today she couldn’t chat for long: apparently her neighbour, David, a singleton who calls to see her regularly, was ”showing her his chimes”………….I hung up!

Now I know men should look at the mothers before they marry the daughters but I tell you what, no man should venture near either of these two without being escorted safely in and out of the their presence…….

(Now , what was the title of that book Tony Without Teeth was telling me about?)…..

Holidays offer a great time to catch up on reading – and spend time with your own mother if you dare! If you are thinking of a break, somewhere hot but not too heavy, come to Peyia, Cyprus. Email to me for deals on villas with pools, to enquiries@cyprusvillas.uk.com

The photo below is of Wicked William and  Tony Without Teeth – just after she’d explained chapter 6!